Relationship First

I was just vacuuming (vacuuming are my moments for meditation, kind of like shower thoughts for most people🤪) and, as always, making similarities in my mind between parenting and dog training. 

A very routine event that used to occur in my dynamic with my mom was she would ask me to take out a half-full bag of trash and she wanted it done the minute she pulled it out of the trash can. She would always do this while I was sitting down, vegging out. 

I would always say ‘I’ll do it at a commercial’ and by the time the commercial came around I either forgot, tried to push to wait longer, or she gave the classic ‘I’ll do it myself’.

It would quickly escalate into her coming over, grabbing the remote, turning the tv off, and both of us being very unhappy. 

This very mundane breakdown in our communication, while small, over time, slowly contributed to a greater miscommunication. 

So I started to think about, if I were the dog in this scenario, how would I fix this situation as trainer (my mom)?

Some questions to ask:

-Is this task necessary and is it necessary immediately?

-Have we historically been successful at having this interaction?  What is the likelihood this interaction will help to build our relationship rather than rupture it?

-Have I routinely followed through in giving a fair consequence if the dog didn’t listen the first time?

-What distractions, stressors, etc. are happening for the dog at this moment?

-Has the dog been consistently rewarded?  Is there incentive for them to complete this task?  Is their discipline proficient enough to remove consistent rewarding?

-Am I able to leave my emotions out of this or am I contributing more frustration?

Being a parent is hard. Being a child is hard. Being an owner can be difficult. Being a dog…perhaps not hard, but it can be very challenging and frustrating when given unclear feedback.

To be clear, I am not saying you need to bribe, walk on eggshells around your dog, punish, or never have your own emotions. 

What I’m suggesting is being consistent, fair, and picking your battles.

Do this and watch your relationship with your dog improve.